Today is supposed to be Bang Tian's 31st birthday. Yet 16 years ago he stuck being forever a 15 year old boy who never get to see the amazing struggle of adult life. All I can say is, we're doing great and we still miss you. Our aunt, Bou Lina, left us 3 years after you go, your mom left us just a few months after her sister did. Atok left us 8 years after you went away and last year sadly your dad also left us. So I guess the three of you, Amangboru Salman, Bou Idar, and you, finally get to see each other so this is gonna be your second birthday being together with your parents.
I actually have no idea why I write this. Every time I remember you it's like remembering a world that no longer exist. An afternoon at Eid swimming in the river, all of us as children. Eating meatballs or playing fireworks in front of Atok's home. Adding and unfriending each other on facebook because we fight all the time like siblings. Bang Syawal has a daughter now, Kak Lulu's married, even Bibin the one that you only knew for about a month is now older that you were. A part of me still wonders what if we're all still alive and well, would Eid each year be any different? I tried to look up your facebook page the other day, just to make sure that the image I remember of you in my head still accurately reflects your face. I couldn't find it. I feel like I can still remember your voice but somehow it's getting blurry. I remember the last time we met, at the parking lot of your school when my parents brought me there after school. It was so wild seeing you wearing your high school uniform as a freshman. I can't stop smiling remembering that time. I know I won't stop smiling remembering you and all the people that have left.
That part when I said I'm missing a world that no longer exist, it's now lonelier and lonelier. And losing everyone within such short amount of time was so surreal to me. I mean none of us were ready, I bet you weren't even ready to go anyway. I don't know, all I'm saying is I miss you, I miss everyone, I miss that time when we don't have to worry about anything.
Happy birthday, Bang Tian.
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